I watched as with her hands she wringed the handkerchief in her hand, trying to hold back the tears. “

I feel shattered. In pieces. Like he just took my heart and let it break. And all I can do is sit here asking “what if” for both the future and the past.”

I sit there talking to a friend and listening as she’s telling me about how much her first love left her hurt and how the healing seems complicated. My friend finds herself completely jaded by her past relationship. The failure of it left her feeling unsteady, fearful, and a bit drained among other things.

Which gets me thinking if every reaction is the same when it comes to failing at love? When given a harsh blow do we lose confidence and gain fear? Are we ever really ourselves again or do we with stand the time by building up walls and dodging the punches?

I agree that love is a bit of a contact sport. Just like boxing. At the beginning of a fight both opponents seem to be completely invincible. They go in with total confidence. Both fist in the air as if they are completely sure of what is coming. Knock them down once, and if they arise, their eyes are wide open. And they frantically squirm as that confident grin turns into clenched teeth.

First loves are full of new rush of emotions, dreaming, and believing with out consequences. We learn that when it comes to love – we are only so strong. Like a boxer we have our limits. Our hearts are only so whole. First round, we give it our all. What love was, what it should feel like, what we should expect, we thought we knew. We go in with complete confidence fully devoted to the cause. But when a few upper cuts are thrown at close range they do more than cause physical damage. They make the ground beneath you shake. After receiving your first harsh blow you are never the same. It shakes your belief system right where you stand.

In boxing each opponent will do anything to come out victorious and with the least injuries as possible. In relationships we can only wish for the same. Clean breaks allow us to turn the page, move on to the next opponent. But if left with a lot of baggage even the most hopefully romantics of souls will do anything to protect their hearts for the future. But with time protecting our hearts becomes both a blessing and a curse. For even though we are no longer naïve, hanging on to every word, and or promise we also don’t allow ourselves to be completely devoted to the cause. We live in frantic fear that things might go wrong again. That every relationship is doomed to fail. So we lose valuable strength in blocking what may or may not happen.

I agree that love is capable of knocking the wind right out of you. That it has the ability to knock you down when endings unravel. That it may take a lot of time and processing to heal our internal injuries. That just like a fighter looking back we will have regrets. That we will see our mishaps and our lapse of judgments and have many “what if” questions left unanswered.

But why bow out completely when things don’t seem to go our way? Why must we allow our emotions drain us to the point that we stop believing? Regardless of the round we find ourselves in, regardless of the past, the missteps, and the occasional broken hearts there’s one thing that we must know for sure that every fight has a purpose. And past the bruised egos, the battle scars, and the statistics that point other wise - love is worth fighting for…