Give up the ghost

He walked in and the aroma of coffee hugged his scent. The bustle of the busy coffee shop almost bothered him. But he hadn't slept all night and needed a dose of caffeine to help him stay awake. It was a long weekend after all.

And that’s when he noticed her, off the corner of his eye. She was perusing the pastry counter in deep thought unsure of what she wanted. She turned slightly realizing she was holding the line and offered the next customer her place in line.

“You go first” She said.

She hadn't noticed him. She hadn't even looked at his face. Just the figure of the man standing next to her. Until he said his drink order. And then her body perked up, she knew that voice. Every inch of her body recognized his being. She wouldn't even have to look twice to know it was him.

It was the first time that they saw each other in person. 1 year and 6 month since the last time he kissed her. And too many sleepless nights, tears, and heartache since the last time she’d broken his heart.

Between his drink order and hers they mumbled hellos and an awkward handshake. He wanted to say something, but in front of all these people it was impossible. So he said it was good seeing her and to take care as he walked out of the coffee shop.

But as the door closed behind him his heart sank, as her eyes welled up with tears she would not let herself shed.  She thought he’d gone and she said to herself that was that. She waited for her order and walked out to her car. She looked up and he was leaning against it.

“Coffee?” She said lingering on the last letter, startled, not knowing what else to say.

“Coffee.”

“But you don’t drink coffee”. She smirked. And that bothered him that she assumed that she still knew him at all.

“Some things change. Some things have changed. Look at your hair! It’s… its blonde!” He reached his hand and grabbed a lock of her hair and she flinched.

“Um. Yea, needed a new look”.

“Does He like blondes?” He said sarcastically.

And though outdoors, in a wide open space, the air filled tumultuously with discomfort. She eyed the door but he didn't budge.

“As long as I like it, that’s all that matters.”

“Guess not much has changed; you still do whatever you please, in disregard to anyone.”

She bit her lip and sighed aloud. She knew where this conversation was headed. 

“Let’s not do this, please. Please, let’s not do this, you’ll say something, then I’ll say something. And you’ll find another reason to be angry”.

He angered with just those words. “You always have a way out, don’t you? It’s so easy for you to brush people off when they speak truths you don’t want to hear. Well I've spent too much time thinking about what I was going to say to you the first time I saw you, and you’re going to hear it!”

She was taken aback, stunned. But she knew he needed this, that it was part of his closure, so she let him continue without interruption. So there, on a clear August day, she let him one last time plow right through her.

There was so much venom in his words, so much anger in his delivery. And all she could think about was how much she had hurt him by walking away the way she did. ‘There should be stars for great wars’ like theirs.

Some breakups occur out of thin air, others are messy, and terribly painful, like pulling teeth. And everyone deals with it differently. Closure as well comes in different forms. Some people do okay with a long cry and a tub of Haagen-dazs. Other’s need a screaming match and a burning of something or other. A type of sacrificial remembrance where they hope to do away with physical memories hoping to cast the internal ones as well.

I don’t know what the correct way of dealing with a break up is. And you’d think I’d be an expert. But I know that whichever way you do, you have to be able to walk away with your heart in your hand. Take control of what you lost; don’t give your power to someone else by holding on to resentment and pettiness. Forgive and forget, not for them, but for yourself, because no one can walk through life with a load of baggage successfully. When you tangle yourself so deeply into past misfortunes, when the anger consumes you it warps your perspective of the future. It haunts you.

Give up the ghost. Let it go. Not because that person deserves it, but because you do. Making a mountain out of minuscule things and carrying hatred in your heart doesn't decay the other person, it burns holes in your own heart.

Let the echo’s of the past be the past. Leave behind the daunting memories that shadow you. Break free from the chains that anchor you. Unbury your soul, shake of the dust. Look ahead darling, I promise it will be all right. 

How to flip tortillas without burning your hand

It was a bright and early morning when I woke up to the sound of my alarm and my sister opening the curtains wide letting in a little too much sunlight. I wanted desperately to turn the other way and sleep in a few more minutes but even on vacation she was a stickler for time. So I rolled out of bed reluctantly, I got dressed, and we headed for the days adventures; snorkeling first on our list.

We got to the dock and after boarding instructions we boarded the vessel that would take us to a near island with coral reefs. Finally at our destination the boat anchored and we were handed our gear. So flippers and all people one by one jumped into the vast ocean uninhibited. I did too. I’d forgotten how rough the Pacific was. A greater part of World War II had been fought here. Somehow the waters still reeked of vengeance.

Except I forgot I could not swim, and at that moment even how to float. So I was instantly submerged by the undertow and the lapping of the waves. I fought to catch a breath, and each time I was successful at reaching the surface I gulped another ounce of water. Terribly frazzled and still near the boat I caught a side rail and held for dear life. Meanwhile, my sister, totally unaware this was happening was having her own issues with the water and kept telling me she was not going to be able to do it. So even when she looked over it at me, I smiled back, telling her not to be afraid.

She tried it for a minute or two, but panicked too and unlike me gave up quickly and climbed up to the boat again. I on the other hand had something to prove. Finally with a bruised ego and lungs full of water, realizing I could not stay afloat by my own accord I asked her for a life jacket. She disappeared and a minute later reappeared with one. I pulled myself onto the wooden ledge of the boat and put it on. Successfully having done so, I dove back to my feat. After reassuring my sister I was okay to go alone I swam back into the ocean further and further away.

Later that day I got to thinking. We don’t always ask for help. We don’t always like to admit we need it. In a world where you are expected to fend for yourself, telling someone you don’t know how to swim seems dire. But truth is that maybe we wouldn't take so many gulps of water if we admitted a little life preserve is needed. Maybe we wouldn't face so many mistakes on our own if we listened to instructions instead of disregarding them.

That day I more than anything wanted to prove I could swim. Except I can’t, I never learned how. Blame my parents; blame my geographical upbringing that never put me near a body of water. I was just too cool for school. Except those are the bare necessities of life! Right along with knowing how to light a fire or how to flip tortillas without burning your hand!

The point is to be fully equipped for life you've got to prepare. Sure no one needs to swim till surrounded by water, but eventually the challenge will present itself. And if you find yourself ill-equipped what will you do? And if you can’t fight the tide any longer, will you be too prideful to ask for help?

This is it. Sink or swim. So let’s not pretend we didn't read the sign that said “Lifeguard not on duty… Swim at your own risk.”